HEY
DIRTBAG! Go see “Kingpin”
This was from before the Farrelly brothers were known crap
perpetrators so I will let it slide as I still really like this movie.
by Adam Davis
Seriously. If you have a girlfriend, go see Kingpin. Even if you do not have
a girlfriend, Go See freakin Kingpin because, and I sincerely mean this, it
could help you get a girlfriend. Ok. The movie starts out with woody from Cheers
in this Bowling Alley. So, there are these girls, they must be around 17 and
they’re all giggling and stuff and putting on their bowling shoes and
then woody is all “hey what lane am I on?” and the clerk says Lane
32 and He goes “cool”. Now I know this sounds boring, but it is
all crucial to the plot line. So then Woody starts bowlin’ and what not
and then the guy from those vacation movies who’s not chevy chase shows
up with a bottle of Everclear. Well Well Well, thinks the audience, Now this
party is getting started! So Woody’s all like “Hey Guy from Vacation!
Come compete with me on lane 32, which is right next to these young hotties”
which makes the young hotties giggle. SO vacation guy is all, yeah, I’ll
come and compete with you but you must remember that I am Amish and mistrust
machinery. Woody goes, “yah whatever. Hey. Let’s play this game.
I’ll say something to the hotties and then you have to do something to
top it.” Vacation guy says “werd.” So they do some stuff and
get drunk on everclear and Woody turns out to be a pretty good bowler but at
the end he looses his hand in the ball retrieval system and Vacation guy is
all “I told you not to trust machinery”